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Head Count

The strangest thing has been happening to me lately. I keep looking for the baby. I'll have all 4 kids in front of me and almost start to panic just for a second looking for the baby. Then I remember that there isn't an infant in this family any more and that all of my children are right in front of me. Or I'll think I hear the baby crying and freeze to listen only to realize that I don't have a baby that cries like that anymore. Everywhere I go I am always doing the head count. How many kids 1, 2, 3, 4. Ok they are all with me. Yet, I'm still looking for one more. "Where's the other one?"

I don't know why this keeps happening. Maybe it's that I'm just used to having a little tiny baby around and now that Aisling is 1 things are starting to get a little easier. Maybe it's that finally after 13 months I am getting the hang of having 4, but haven't lost that panic drowning feeling yet? But does it mean that I should, someday, have a 5th? Right now is absolutely NOT the right time to have another baby and if you ask my husband we are DONE done. But both my MIL and I have had dreams that I am pregnant again (which I am not). Does that mean anything? It could just mean that I have been pregnant a lot in the last 7 years and so that's how I appear in dreams. When I see people with little tiny newborns I want to kiss and cuddle and love on that baby, but mostly I'm glad for THAT mommy and only a very small portion of me wants to have another one.

Please someone tell me I'm not the only one that this happens to. Anyone?

 

Posted on Monday, May 25, 2009 at 12:23AM by Registered CommenterSheryl Bane | Comments13 Comments

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Reader Comments (13)

Well, I only have 2 and I quite frequently go through this. Though I am denial that my almost-3-year-old is no longer the baby and always call him such. :-)
May 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmber
You know, I wanted to ask now that the baby isn't a baby anymore...you gonna try for more? :) Ha! Didn't want to push my luck! :) I think its awesome that you've made it this far. Y'all had a rough year with LOTS of changes!!!! Enjoy not having any babies and see what God has in store!
May 25, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterhyperactive lu
totally just you
May 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTricia
Thanks Tricia. I appreciate that.
May 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSheryl
Oh, me, too! Except for the having another part. I am convinced we are done until MAYBE if we move into a bigger house. I can not fathom having a fifth. Right now. Someday? Maybe? Way far away?

Steph
May 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAdventures In Babywearing
This used to happen to my husband and I ALL the time before we had our fifth. It's how I knew we would have another even though we weren't planning on having anymore.
May 25, 2009 | Unregistered Commentersarah
That happens to me ALL THE TIME! I'm out with my three and suddenly start panicking, looking for the fourth one.
My husband says that he is done, done, done.
May 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBeck
We are so far removed from the baby stage. I do occassionally have dreams about being pregnant, and I wake up in a panic. Very soon it will be completely impossible for me to ever be pregnant again. Now sure how that's going to make me feel.
May 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLisa
It kind of happens to me, although it is more like a yearning than anything. Every time I see a newborn or baby, I have to fight the urge to run and grab that baby and hold him/her close to me and just breathe in their essence. I dream of being pregnant and I swear that my body mourns the lack of being pregnant every month.

As for you, I think that it could be both. Your body has been either pregnant or holding a precious baby so close to you that it has become so natural for it to almost mourn the loss of routine. But, I say if you are still dreaming consistently, perhaps it is your inner self that is trying to send a message to you. And if that is the case, you are my absolute true hero if you go for number five. :)

Hope all is well.
May 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAllie
don't know in all honesty...follow your heart
May 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGoofball
Well I personally think that 5 is a great number!

Hello! Long time reader, first time commenter here.

I have two sons, Jonathan and Aiden who are 4 and 1. I have always wanted to have 5 kids, but as much work as my 4 year old is (my baby, I can still call him that at 14 months right?, is a saint) I think I will be done after 3.
My hubby owns his own business (obviously not a good time for that), we just bought a house (even worse time for that!), and a lot of other things that are holding us back from going for #3 right now. Growing up with 5 nephews, I NEVER wanted to end up with 2 boys, but now I wouldn't want it any other way!

I totally understand not wanting one now, I am in the same boat. I would love to go for 3, but if it would be THAT financially irresponsible, we will be just as happy with our 3 boys.

As for forgetting my kids, I only have 2, but when my older son is in preschool I often look for him when I take the little one places.
May 26, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterChristina
I know that feeling of holding a newborn is so special but it's only for a short time. They grow up and become bigger people.
Go check out what I left for you on my blog. If you are too busy to pass along, that's ok. I just thought of you as a Queen today and wanted you to know that.
May 27, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRhonda (mimi)
You just never know... ;) I tell ya what, thought, I have 3 and don't know how you do it!

Nell
June 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCasual Friday Every Day

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